Nowadays, it seems impossible to feel a little confident in yourself without getting some sort of flack about being “cocky”, “vain” or being called a “bragger”; which is especially bizarre considering the massive strides our social acceptance values have made in the last 5 years to overcome self-doubt, nearly begging us to see ourselves for what’s on the inside AND on the outside. “You don’t have to be perfect to be desirable”, and “nothing should stop you from feeling beautiful”. Yet, the moment we openly recognize ourselves for possessing something we can appreciate, we get shut down. It’s no longer called confidence and praise, it’s called arrogance. Narcissism. Smugness. Yuck! Who the hell wants to associate themselves with those negative connotations? It would be much easier to avoid the run-around and not feel confident at all, just keeping our heads down and going through the motions. Never coming up for air and feeling the warm sun on our gorgeous faces! That’s easier, right? Right. But…I mean…fuck that.
Say what you want about me being a cocky little bitch, but I’ll own that every day of the week and sometimes twice on Tuesdays. I’m no supermodel; I’m far from perfect and that’s perfectly fine by me. I know my worth and I can appreciate the things about my body that make me unique or desirable. Recognizing my worth makes me more desirable, just ask my husband and he will confirm this. If I know what I like about myself, then I can allow someone else to like it just as much as I do, if not more.
Women who love themselves are threatening; but men who love real women, more so.
–Naomi Wolf, The Beauty Myth
I was raised believing that having self worth can make you more beautiful than any other physical quality you could possess. In my eyes, I don’t find someone attractive that doesn’t feel attractive; their mind state and the vibe they give off is so crucial to who they present themselves as and therefore how drawn I am to them. This very fact has been proven time and time again in the study of human sexuality and the way our brains process attraction. There’s literally science behind all of this! You can’t argue science…well, you can. You just won’t win.
Confident people seem to know what they want and are not afraid to ask for it or go after it. Nor are they afraid to express themselves.
–Barbara Aleks Hecht, Why Confidence is So Sexy
It’s simply ridiculous for someone to be put down for acknowledging any of their physical attributes. If you compliment me, I’m not going to dismiss it. I’m going to thank you for the compliment and then acknowledge it. That doesn’t make me vain. That makes me honest. So, the next time you compliment someone, don’t take offense or fly off the handle if they say “thank you, I know!” because in the end, if they didn’t find themselves attractive, neither would you.
*scoff* …and the twisted cycle of human sexuality keeps on twisting…
If you feel good about you, then you’re doing something right. Don’t ever let anyone tell you that you’re too confident, there’s no such thing. Always remember there is a fine line between confidence and arrogance, and just because someone perceives you as arrogant doesn’t mean you are. Having confidence is one of the sexiest qualities you can have, and you should wear it proudly every single day. Feeling good about ourselves is something no one else can give us; no one should be able to take it away from us, either.
Has this scenario ever happened to you? Have you ever been put down or received backlash for being too confident? Please share your story in the comments section below…I would very much love to hear of your experience.